A while back I was smoking a cigar with a couple of friends in my backyard. I didn’t think anything of it because I was with friends and, well, I was outside so the smoke quickly dispersed. But then my friend had a fit.
He started waving his hand in front of his face, scrunching his face up, and having a first-class hissy fit because the smoke, he said, was “killing him.” So I put the cigar down and continued playing cards.
A few days later I saw that same friend hacking his head off. He updated me on his horrible condition saying that the cigar smoke had given him this hacking cough of his and that his doctor agreed with his psychotic diagnosis.
To make a long story short, I don’t talk to this guy anymore. His pansy ways around a cigar played a part but that was by no means the only straw. The only thing I regret was that I was gracious enough to let my cigar go out without saying anything witty.
Thanks to The Stogie Guys, and S-CHIP (barf), those days have come to an end:
But since the State Children’s Health Insurance Program (SCHIP ) is about to be funded through massive tax increases on tobacco, including roughly 40 cents per smoke for premium cigars, I’ve got a new reply to this annoying breed of anti-tobacco zealot: “I’m smoking this cigar for the children.”
After all, only with enough smoking will the government be able to pay for the SCHIP program. In fact, it is estimated that 22 million new smokers will be needed to fully fund the egregious scheme.
And that brings me to the final thing to say to the kind of person who would harass a complete stranger engaged in a perfectly legal activity. From now on, I plan on asking: “Why aren’t you smoking? Don’t you care about the children?”
I doubt those rhetorical rejoinders would have saved my friendship with this guy (in actuality, it probably would have ended it quicker) but I would have felt a lot better about putting out a cigar IN MY BACKYARD. Thank you Stogie Guys for giving us this rhetorical weapon for our arsenal.