Protect the Innocent from Second Hand Smoke

Dear Innocents,

I understand your annoyance at being subjected to offensive odors and the health risks associated with smoke wafting about like a boney hand with a mind bent on murder. And, as a cigar smoker, I cringe at the idea of raising the ire and lowering the life expectancy of most non-smokers. If I have transgressed upon your physical and mental health in the past I sincerely apologize.

Over the last couple of decades America has made many positive moves to protect non-smokers from the ails of second hand smoke by outlawing smoking in most public buildings and in many outdoor areas as well. Here in California, for example, Cal State Fullerton recently became the first CSU campus to become completely smoke free. Why is this such a good thing for you innocents?

According to a 2007 study conducted by a couple of Stanford researchers, if an innocent were to sit within 18 inches of a cigarette smoker who smokes two cigarettes over the course of an hour the innocent would be exposed to the equivalent of an hour’s worth of sitting in a “tavern with smokers.” Personally, I think it’s utterly offensive if an innocent were to innocently sit down next to a smoker and the smoker didn’t immediately put out the cancer stick and walk away in shame.

Sure, according to the same study, if an innocent were to wander no closer than six feet close to a smoker said innocent “would have little problem.” But that’s not really fair when the smoker is sitting in a spot less than a couple of feet from where the innocent would prefer to sit. Why should that innocent have to alter their habits?

Kudos to Cal State Fullerton and every other locale that has banned smoking outdoors. Even though most of the time innocents are just passing through these places and are not subjected to the cold, wispy death grip of smoke for long, most likely not long enough to cause any harm, you can never be too cautious when it comes to such matters. At this point, many other smokers will be nodding their heads in agreement with what has been written here but are thinking that cigar lounges and other places that allow smoking acceptably protect the innocents.

Unfortunately, they would be wrong to even consider that as an acceptable compromise. As most intelligent people already know, people who don’t smoke frequently find employment at establishments that allow smoking. Sure, all of the employees at the cigar shops that I frequent smoke cigars themselves but what if an innocent wanted to work at a cigar shop or, more likely, that’s the only place they could find employment in these troubling economic times? By allowing smokers to light up in these places is unfair to those people.

At this point it goes without saying that restaurant smoking patios are completely unfair to the innocents as well. Prior knowledge that these restaurants allow smoking on their patios isn’t enough. What if the innocents had their hearts set on an al fresco dinner? Or, worse, what if the restaurant only has seating available on the smoking patio? Fortunately, the progressive city of beautiful Coronado has recently made strides to make smoking illegal in almost all cases. It’s not perfect, but it’s progress.

Now my fellow smokers must be in the throes of a nervous breakdown because they will have to admit that smoking outside represents a clear and present danger to all the innocents out there. I’m afraid that my fellow smokers are deluding themselves if they don’t accept this fact. But what about smoking at home? That should protect all the innocents, right?

As we have learned, there is a thing called third hand smoke. If you are not familiar with this danger then let me give you a short synopsis: the homing missiles that are smoke particulates cling to everything they come in contact with and when those smokers venture out into the world they are like suicide bombers that don’t die quickly by spreading carcinogens everywhere they go.

Smoke Face MaskThe only logical solution is to completely ban all tobacco products. This will be tough to enact but it has to be done to protect all the innocents, especially the children. Needless to say, this will be a tough nut to crack but, hopefully, it won’t go as horribly as the War on Drugs. It will take a comprehensive strategy and will probably take a while yet for all those troglodyte smokers to get with the program but it is definitely a worthwhile undertaking. A recent, somewhat whimsical, effort to shame smokers into embracing life can be seen by these Halloween masks made to look like smokers’ faces. They are hideous masks and I’m sure they’ll make some smokers rethink their lives.

In closing, I apologize for everything I and my fellow smokers have exposed you innocents to. The madness must stop and with some effort on all of our parts I’m sure we can rid the world of the disease called smoking.



PS: I will have a review of the Quesada Heisenberg up this weekend.

Published by Travis Lindsay

I am a guy who smokes cigars.

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